Elisa Mclean

Elisa Mclean founded queek'd through her personal pain point of not being able to access an unbiased list of serious datings & apps. Since developing this platform, she has now found her purpose in helping singles feel happier and connect on soulmate level and is now on a mission to bring people together in love.

Be The Good Guy

 

Are you the guy who never texts back after a date? Are you a serial dater with no regard for how a woman feels when you've grown bored and cut her off? You're not alone, there are plenty of guys out there that act this way too. Apps like Tinder actively promote the throwaway dating experience, but that doesn't mean it's OK to cut yourself off from the meaningful stuff. You're missing out. You're missing out on so much good stuff its unreal, and for what?

Why Are You The Bad Guy?

In order to understand why you act this way, firstly you need to perform a little activity called 'self reflection'. No need for ambient music and candles, just a little retrospective as to why you act the way you do. There aren't many men who will actively treat a lady badly just because it's fun. Usually something has happened to cause mistrust and a dented ego. Commonly men who have been cheated on before tend to carry the pain around with them and stop any relationship progressing if it becomes too 'involved.' And equally guys who have been in a distrusting or dominating relationship can shut down when they are exposed to vulnerability. That's not to say there is anything wrong with casual dating if you're not looking for anything serious, but when you're doing it through fear of being hurt again or worry, you're not doing it for the right reasons. If you've got a past issue(s) that has caused you to keep everyone at a distance, it's time to let go. You must let go of the anger or pain and move forward. You don't deserve to carry it around with you, and the women who are attracted to you deserve to get the best of you, not the worst of you because of the scars left by someone else.

Your Massive Ego Is Fake

Often it's the facade of strength and confidence that keeps women flocking to you over and over again; its fun, fun, fun for them. True confidence is amazing, but an inflated ego is often undesirable. By having an overly confident ego that doesn't truly reflect the real you, you're only providing yourself with a self-fulfilling prophecy. Women aren’t really deeply attracted to your ego, man-made muscles or your cock sure approach - they’re interested in the real you. It's understandable you're not going to want anyone to see the real you if you think it sucks, or if you think that a person will abuse the fact you 'let them in'. But no real love comes without risk, that's just part of life. And only when a person gets to know the real you that’s inside, will you see that it is amazing and worthy of love once again.

Love Leaves You Open To Hurt

When you accept that real love leaves you open to hurt, you begin to move forward and accept that what will be will be. It's the same as people who develop huge phobias. While they worry that the worst things might happen, they continue to grow anxious and feed a continual cycle of fear. But when they accept that something bad could happen, and it won't kill them, and they let go of the worry and recognise that it's just part of life - they lose their phobia. It's a simple case of accepting the very low risk of potentially getting hurt, and a much higher potential for great reward.

You're Missing Out

When you realise that the empty and defensive interactions you are having with women will never truly give you what you really want, you will realise exactly what you are missing out on. Real intimacy and raw, unguarded love is truly addictive and exciting and fulfilling. If someone hurt you when you felt that before, you're bound to be worried about experiencing it again because you know it's such a big fall. But feeling a true, raw connection with someone whether that be through a serious or casual relationship, is an incredible experience - because it's real. Everyone has been through heartbreak, and it hurts like hell, but that isn't a reason to avoid putting yourself through it again. The reward is way bigger than the potential for hurt, and that is exactly what you need to focus on - the reward. Feeling the connection of true unconditional love in whatever form that may take, is ultimately what every heart desires (well, that as well as a few as other things!).

Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated Yourself

Avoiding women who pursue you, or ignoring women who you have dated and become bored of, cannot be making you feel good about yourself. Imagine if a friend of yours treated your sister or close female friend that way - you would be angry and annoyed. So avoid treating women badly and be the best version of you possible. It's OK to not be attracted to a date or for things to fizzle out, and it's OK to let people know gently what the situation is. It's better to be open, honest and clear and put yourself first in these scenarios, as long as you're honestly communicating those feelings to others involved.

Give The Right Woman The Best Of You

If you let go of all the past pain that is causing you to keep your guard up, you will be the best you that you can be when the right woman comes along. What's more important is you will be open to letting her into your life. She may have come along already and you've dismissed her as a potential date because your defences are up. If you want the best out of a woman, you must in turn give your best. And when you're closed off or upset and defensive, no one stands a chance of getting close to the real you. No one said it’s going to be easy, but it’ll be well worth it. So let go of all the bad stuff and be the good guy - you deserve it.

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