Conscious Romance vs Unconscious Romance
All men and women have a mental checklist of the qualities they want “the one” to have. Yet, for some reason, many people carry on dating people with few or none of these qualities, effectively meaning the fledgling relationship is doomed before it starts. Why is this?
The ‘honeymoon phase’
This happens in a new relationship, regardless of whether it’s going to work out or not. At this point, in the first flush of attraction, the alarm bells that are telling us they’re not the one are ignored. During the honeymoon period, people tend to be so infatuated by one another that they can’t see what’s right in front of them. It may even be that you have been single so long that now you’re finally getting the attention you’ve been craving, and that just thinking about it ending is a worse thought than actually being single again. But you need to realise that being in an unsuitable relationship means that you’re wasting precious time not looking for the right person.
Most of the time, unconscious relationships often end in anger and heartbreak: although every experience is an opportunity for personal growth. An unconscious relationship can often see people adopt slightly selfish behaviour, subconsciously causing arguments (self-sabotaging) or even acting from the pain of a previous relationship causing them to lack self-worth and self-love. This can leave them unable to connect with a partner in the way that they’d like. Welcome to the mystical world of unconscious dating. We all do it, but now is the time to wake up and start conscious dating, so that you can have the deeply connected relationship that you deserve.
How Can I Start Dating Consciously?
To start your new conscious dating journey, you will need to do a few things.
1. Evaluate what you look for in a partner. Write it down as a list if that makes it easier; a bit like a dating shopping list. By doing this, it is a lot easier for you to be able to evaluate potential partners, assess their qualities and similarities to your list and really see if you’ll be well suited; and it will also help your brain map it’s way to your perfect partner too. We’ve all heard the saying about the people that set goals being in the 1% richest and most successful people in the world – well, the same applies to dating. Writing it down works!
2. Realise that looks are not everything. It is essential that you pick a partner based on the qualities and desires that touch your heart on a deeper level and not just on their physical features or possessions alone. Just because someone looks like your “type” or earns a certain amount of money does not mean that they’re the one for you. Money can’t buy happiness, and looks change over time. The only thing that is important and that lasts a lifetime is the qualities that this person holds. Your soulmate may show up in the most unexpected way, so look outside of the box and be open to attracting your heart’s perfect match.
What do the requirements on your list actually stand for?
Only you know truthfully what you’re happy to compromise on. If, for example, you want your partner to have similar life goals that tie in perfectly with yours, but it turns out the potential suitor has a totally different life plan to you, in terms of career, kids, travel etc., then it’s not going to work – unless, that is, one or both of you completely alter your plans to accommodate the other. The only way to find this out in the early stages is to ask. If your potential partner is the right one, they’ll be glad to get this ironed out right from the get go. If they shy away from answering your questions, then the likelihood is that they have different goals or maybe they’re not ready to commit.
There are times when some compromise will happen, this is natural. But be careful that you don’t compromise everything that you desire to prevent you from being alone.
Are you ready to date consciously? If you’re truly ready to start dating consciously, you’ll more than likely approach dating with a new-found sense of self-confidence, knowing that you now know what you want and you won’t settle for anything less than you deserve. This is an attractive quality and will act as an inner light shining through, leading the way for your soulmate to find you.
Understanding who you are, what you want out of life and the type of person who you would like to be with on this journey is the first step to conscious dating – so why not make yourself a promise: Stop drifting in and out of bad relationships, and consciously date those that are on the same wavelength as you are – you’ll really notice a difference if you do!