Elisa Mclean

Elisa Mclean founded queek'd through her personal pain point of not being able to access an unbiased list of serious datings & apps. Since developing this platform, she has now found her purpose in helping singles feel happier and connect on soulmate level and is now on a mission to bring people together in love.

Reprogram your Tinder Brain

In this article we're going to talk about Tinder Burnout, getting past it and reprogramming your dating brain for love with five, easy tips.

To The Left, To The Left

Have you started to mentally swipe people left and right in real life? Do you bite your lip and get excited and if you're honest, a little bit of a buzz when you've been told 'Congratulations, you have a new match'? Have you found yourself genuinely happy about travelling to a new place, not because of what it has to offer, but because of the new people it has to offer on Tinder? If this sounds like you, you probably won't be surprised to hear that you are definitely addicted to Tinder. You're probably constantly swearing that Tinder is just so rubbish and you're never going to use it again, because clearly your perfect match isn't on there, and you're going to end up Pied Piping all the cats home to live with you until you die and they eat you and…. Oooh new people, my perfect match might only be a swipe away! Sound familiar?

You need to go through our Tinder rehab. No we're not going to put anti-Tinder mittens on you to stop you swiping (although that's a great idea, we'll note that down for Dragons Den), but we are going to talk about this Tinder epidemic that is actually doing more harm than good when it comes to finding love. Yep, you heard it here first - an app designed to help you find love, actually has the potential to stop you finding love…

How & Why This Is Affecting You

As you probably believed Tinder and apps similar to it might be the best thing since the dog Snapchat filter for your love life, you're probably wondering how something that gets you so excited could be so bad? Well, let's clarify, we certainly don't think it's bad, apps like Tinder are great for some things, like casual love, but they aren't the best for serious love.

Many, many people are finding some level of success with apps like Tinder, if only just to feel there's hope out there in terms of a match. However, many people are also experiencing something we like to call Tinder Burnout.

Tinder Burnout applies to any quick match app and is where you're so used to repeating the same process of swiping mindlessly throughout the day, that you've actually just started to treat Tinder more like a game or an easy high. Like checking the new videos on Snapchat or scrolling to refresh on Instagram - it is a compulsion to see what's new, After a while, the genuine interest in the posts is replaced by a habitual compulsion to check you're not missing out. So you swipe and swipe, see all the new profiles and then go onto another app for a while, or make food, or workout, then go back on for more swiping with no real intention, always being driven by the mentality that the perfect profile is only one swipe away…..but where does it end?

If you are serious about dating and finding love, (and you're tired of getting swipe cramp!), consider swapping Tinder for a traditional dating site or app that focuses on helping people like you create long term relationships. It's time to reprogram your dating brain for real love and leave mindless swiping in your past, it's time to consciously choose to get the love you deserve.

7 Signs You Might Need To Reprogram Your Dating Brain:

  • After a while you might find yourself saying there's no one out there for you, whilst still using dating apps anyway.
  • You might find your messages become empty and boring because you're just going through the motions
  • You notice that you're always waiting for a better match
  • You're not really reading profiles
  • You're only logged on to tick off looking at new profiles, without any real intention to actively consider these profiles as love matches
  • You feel like you need to flick through as many profiles as possible because the ultimate profile is one swipe away.
  • You go on dates but when you get home you still check your messages even when you really like the person from the date.

Does this sound like you?

If this sounds like you, you're definitely showing signs you really do need to reprogram your dating brain. It can be quite a shock to take a step back and realise how much time you've spent mindlessly going through profile after profile, or worse, how many lovely dates have been neglected in favour of you secretly searching for a 'more perfect match'. If you've truly become a bit of a Tinder zombie, we can guarantee you're probably not enjoying online dating any more, and possibly not really experiencing much success beyond the elusive and delicious 'Congratulations' message. Don't fret though, there's a better online dating life ahead of you with these 5 tips…

5 Surefire Ways To Reprogram Your Dating Brain

Meditate Meditate before you browse to avoid cognitive burnout. Cognitive Burnout or 'Tinder Burnout' as we like to call it, is where you get a tired achy, tense brain from mindlessly scrolling through profiles. Setting a meditation before you go to browse means your brain will be clear of all the day's worries, and you'll be refocused and refreshed, ready to browse with an open heart and you won't end up getting burnt out by the end. Think of meditation before browsing like stretching before a run - necessary preparation for the best results.

Limit The Profiles You See Use a dating site that releases a limited amount of new matches, like Elite Singles or eHarmony. This will ensure you aren't endlessly searching for the next best profile on any given day, because you will naturally view all the new people there are to see, bringing your browsing to a natural end, giving you the time and headspace to read the profiles properly and send a message if you feel inclined. It's all about quality over quantity.

Take Your Time Take your time to select profiles you like and slowly, consciously read them properly. All too often we can get used to just looking at a profile picture, or maybe a few stats, then moving on to the next. How often do you really digest what a person is saying about themselves? Take a little time to read their profile and you might find a niche hobby you have in common, or find they are really funny and humour is your number one priority in a match - you can't find any of this out if you don't take the time to read the profiles you like properly.

Make Your First Message Count Make the effort to contact a match you like with an interesting first message that matters. This could be your only chance to get heard by the other person, so say something interesting and insightful, something that shows you have read their profile. Statistics say; don't use sorry in your opening line, avoid 'lol' or 'haha', get your grammar right and make it longer than a tweet (source).

Look Beyond Profile Pictures

Look past profile photos, and past image in general, beauty is only skin deep - the true chemistry will come when you get to know the person. You may read their profile and see they have an amazing sense of humour, or the way they move and carry themselves when you meet them could get you all flustered because confidence makes you weak at the knees. Remember that their image and yours is only a small percentage of the package, especially when you're looking for a long term match.

Are You Ready To Reprogram Your Dating Brain For Success?

You're going to find success dating in this new way, as long as you do it consciously. The success is all down to your mindset. You might want to fall back to your default behaviour of swiping and scrolling, and find yourself getting text neck and finger cramp, realising you've gone straight back into burnout behaviour, but you now know how to get out of that cycle and back onto the path towards success.

Now is the time to retract that eager swiping finger, and embrace your new, conscious, stronger method of dating online, because you are ready to reprogram your dating brain for success. You are ready to find a deeper, more meaningful connection.

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