The points in this article will go against tons of advice both online and offline relating to dating. In fact, it might even go against your natural instincts to 'jump back on the dating horse' after you have once again fallen right off, with a big old lonely bump to the head. Perseverance never killed anyone, but in some instances, it can do more harm than good!
The inspiration behind this article came after a best friend found herself yet again on the phone to me in tears, after another horrendous dating experience. (I must add here that there have been great experiences for her as well, and happy phone calls along with them). But the advice I found myself giving her after the latest emotional phone call was completely different to all the advice I had given her before. I simply said, "You need to be kind to yourself and just, be".
I think it became obvious to me, and her that at this time, that she simply needed to give herself a bit of love, and stay well clear of the dating scene for a month or two.
Here are 3 reasons you should take a break from dating:
Let the emotions happen
So many people go through emotional trauma and simply don't give themselves the time to say "hey, I am hurting". Yes some people can just put it down to experience and move on, but some can't and that vital emotional digestion time is so important for those people. If you've been on two dates or hundreds with the same person and find yourself being cut loose, or having to cut them loose, you need to take a little time to take stock of your emotions. Even if you just cry for a week and let the emotions organically develop enough to clear your head. We are told frequently that bottling up our emotions is bad for us, and it is, so get the tissues out, or the punchbag, or the soppy films and just let yourself be sad or angry or bewildered for a while. You will naturally start to forget about it and find a natural resolve.
Ride out the current storm
In some instances, people will come out of dating a person when that particular dating experience is not yet finished. So with my friend, she knows what she needs to do (cut the current date out of her life) but she knows in all likelihood there's a fair few dates and messy conversations left before it's over for good. If you know yourself well enough to know it isn't over with a particular date, put that new horse back in the paddock and ride out the current storm you're in the middle of. It's not fair on you, or a new date, to complicate things even further and move forward when you're still hooked on a certain someone. So acknowledge the fact you're not ready to move on and get to grips with what's happening right here, right now.
This might be learning about where it all went wrong with this date, or you might be learning that you need some you time. Whatever the learning curve is, you're not going to give yourself any room for growth if you go back into dating bitter, angry and paranoid. There's a key difference between people who take stock and hold past experiences like a weight on their shoulders, and people who take stock, learn life’s lessons and move forward taking only the positives with them. Maybe this dating experience has taught you how to approach dates better, or taught you not to sleep with a person on the first date. Whatever lesson there is to learn, you must give yourself space to learn it so you move forward with positivity.
“Your journey on earth is your personal journey of life.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita
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